Real Mom

Single moms day out!

2009-10-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

I now call myself a single mom since I am for four months. The base paid for those of us whose hubbies are deployed to go out to an Apple Orchard and Pumpkin Patch for the day. Great! Wonderful! Though I am exhausted!
Of course you could expect that a bunch of moms with their kids, trying to chase them around a farm while picking pumpkins, would be a bit crazy. I was lucky though, and had some friends tag along with her husband and he was extremely helpful! Thank you Joel and Cat!
So far, so good being a single parent though I could definitely not do it long term. Not sure how people do it. I know that Justin will be home soon and so I plug along. I would be on some sort of medication if I had to do it everyday, forever! So more power to those out there who have lost their spouses. I say that I couldn't do it. But I guess that you just have to when push comes to shove!

2009-10-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

2009-10-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

I cut off the stem because it was so prickly and Mitchell found it and tried to put it back on. He didn't seem to care that it was prickly!

2009-10-10T20:08:00.000-07:00

Mitchell had a great time playing in the pumpkin patch. I told him that he'll have to ask daddy to grow some next year in the back yard!

Pumpkin Patch and Hayride!

2009-10-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

2009-09-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

This was done pre-deployment, but just wanted to share. I have always wanted to paint and so I thought that I would give it a try. Originally, Justin was going to fill the empty canvas but since he didn't really get around to it, I started playing and this is what I came up with. Hope you like it!

2009-09-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

Our bobcat! He hangs out in our neighborhood since there are plenty of rabbits and other critters to eat. This was the first time that I had seen him and he is beautiful!

2009-09-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

Can't remember if this is when Justin actually left or if it was the day before. We were ready and showed up to drop him off and, oops, scheduling error. The plane was never supposed to show up on Sat., but that wasn't communicated to the squadron. So he left 24 hours later which I think was even harder since I had to deal with all the emotions twice.

Saying our goodbyes to Daddy

2009-09-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

Buddies

2009-09-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

2009-09-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

2009-09-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

2009-09-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Hump Day!

2009-09-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's hump day Wednesday and it is a tough one. I am realizing that I like it better when Justin calls me in the evening rather than in the morning. For one reason only; that I think of him all day long and miss him more when he calls in the morning. In the evening, I only have a couple hours and then it's off to bed.
So Justin called this morning and thus, there is definitely a hump to get over today. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good! That is my motto for today and most days right now. I do have it pretty good. I live in a beautiful place. My son is healthy and happy, for the most part. I have been continually blessed by the people around me, especially now that Justin is deployed. And, I get to talk with my husband on the phone and send him emails whenever I want. This war is like no other. I have to say we have it pretty good, considering, well that we are in a war and all. I will still send him packages and letters though I am very glad that I have other modes of communication.
So here it is, I have to get this off my chest. And if any of you friends here in Tucson are reading, listen up!!
I am tired of you all hating it here! I like it here and will continue to like it as long as I live here. God has made this place and I plan on enjoying it because it and the people who live here are His Creation! Yes, it is hot, but so is everywhere else in the middle of the summer!
There, I said it and that is it. No more!!

Birthdays!

2009-06-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

One year ago yesterday, my little one was born. I spent most of my day thinking about this little miracle who was so intent on staying comfortable inside my belly. We had to evict him since the movers were coming and I didn't really feel like driving across the country knowing that he could change his mind at any moment. So now I have an incredibly curious, happy and loving little boy who is definitely all boy!
It's pretty hard to remember life pre-Mitchell. So now that he is 1, I definitely need to push myself to get out more. I went out with the girls last night, a blast! So next on the list, date night with my hubby! I do need to really push myself to adore him the way he deserves and get my priorities back in line. God, Justin, then Mitchell! It is a daily process of trying to remind myself of this and yet I don't do it. I really haven't spent the time I need, and that I crave, in the Word. Why is this so difficult? So I am signing off and going to have some needed God and me time!!!

Family

2009-05-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a trip to the East Coast for Grandma Nina'a funeral. This was a once in a lifetime chance to get to meet the rest of the Bremer family and so we thought it necessary to go. Honestly, I was not thrilled with the idea of travelling that far with a 10 month old. Justin was pretty set on going and I really wanted to go, but just didn't want to deal with changing three time zones and flying for an entire day! Mitchell did great and I even did great! The Bremer's are all absolutely incredible people and I really hope to keep up with them now. We were also able to see an Uncle and family from the other side of the family as well as some family friends.
I really have to say that I am upset that we didn't keep up with the Bremer's until now. I don't understand the family dynamic and probably never will, but it is sad that so much time has lapsed and relationships have been amiss. So now it is my goal to bring us back together. I'm sorry that Nina had to pass away in order for this to happen. I am really glad, now, that Justin was able to visit back in March and to have a peace about his grandmother. I had only met her once and she has left a mark on me. She had this energy that you really don't see anymore. Even in her 80's, she was running circles around both Justin and I. I missed the ceremony at the church due to Mitchell needing a nap and I am sad that I missed it. Mainly to hear all of the wonderful stories of Nina and the family. Justin shared that he always remembered having lobster when visiting Nina. And until he was about 8, he thought that she was getting the lobster from the pool behind the house! How great to just go outside and pull your dinner out of the pool!
I hope Nina knew how much she was loved and how much she will be missed! One grand daughter made a video documentary in memory of Nina and I hope to get a copy. It really captured her beauty! Enough said!

2009-03-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the sun at my parents house, and wondering how much warmer it is in Tucson! Mitch should be getting up soon but just feeling like writing today. Justin is in Baltimore and was able to visit with his uncle yesterday and also visit his grandmother, Nina. I am so glad that he was able to do this. I met Nina about 7 years ago and I haven't seen her since. She has dementia and has been in a nursing home for a couple years now. Justin was able to visit with her a bit, and Uncle Jerry said that she recognized Justin. Justin said that her favorite thing to do is play with a stuffed animal. I feel extremely blessed that I was able to meet her when I did, though I really should visit again soon!

2009-02-12T05:16:00.000-08:00

So I am completely flustered with my son's sleeping patterns! Needless to say, that is why I am up now and have been since 5a.m. I just wish that I knew what to do since I know that it is probably me and not really him. I think that I have tried everything and sometimes he sleeps great and others, not sure what I did different.
So I am going to actually really try and clean my house today. I sort of got caught up in the idea of trying to decorate again. And really, how do I spend so much time doing nothing? I get all these ideas and then by going shopping and researching, I waste so much time! I tend to overthink sometimes and therefore I don't make a decision as quickly as I should, when I really end up going with my first inclination. So that is what my goal is for the next week, to go with my first idea, thought and roll with it. We'll see how it goes and I'll let you know!
Off to go and get some more shut eye! I think the wudge is finally back to sleep!

2009-01-19T09:58:00.000-08:00

New Year!

2009-01-19T09:38:00.000-08:00

Hopeful, optimistic and yet, wondering what is in store for this next year. Honestly, I try to think about Mitchell and his ever changing personality, but my thoughts continue to wander to Justin being deployed at some point in the next six months. How do people do it? Thoughts have come up that I wish no one would ever have to even think about the possibility, but I guess that I need to be real and ready for what could happen.
Sorry that I haven't blogged for awhile. This holiday season was quite busy to say the least! I had always wanted to host the family for the special occasions but really? Did it have to be so crazy? I often find myself with the perfect day of celebrations in mind and it does not happen! I spent hours shopping and prepping meals and gifts to try and be the great host and it never really turns out the way that I would like! I guess that is what happens when expectations are set and then stuff comes up. Or the fact that I have a baby and I really should never place any expectations upon him and how I would really like, in my mind, to be the perfect mom!
Moving on.......I really haven't taken to many pics recently but now that the crazy season is done with for now, I would really like to start up again. Along with blogging and maybe changing the idea of my blog a bit! Not so focused on being a mother, but rather my daily walk with God and how it is really absent. Or even being a wife and trying to support my husband more and more. So many other things than being a mom, but that is what I truly love, so still, this will be my life and how I just want to be real with God and his people!
Have a great day everybody and I love you all!

2008-10-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

Mitchell is quite the drooler! (sp!) Oops! His hands are always wet and cold because they are in his mouth or at least trying to be. He is also so serious once I start taking pictures. One more thing for him to focus on.

2008-10-21T13:56:00.001-07:00

So Justin is off to the first of many trainings that he will be attending this year. He's only gone 2 nights this time, so really not bad. There are a few that Mitch and I will go to since they'll be in cool places, but we decided to stay home for this one. So yesterday Mitchell started pulling himself up into a standing position when he is holding onto my fingers in each hand. I get him started from laying on his back and then he pulls himself up into a sitting position and then on up to standing. He loves to stand and look around. He's such a big boy! At least he seems to think so.

I talked with a friend of mine this morning who has an 8 week old little boy. It's so much fun to have so many of my friends having babies also. I really pray that all of us will stay close so that our children will learn to know one another.

Base House

2008-10-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

So here is the house! Nothing special except for maybe the palms out front. They are kinda fun to brag about especially since it is the end of October and still in the 90's outside. We also live right on the golf course, so no pesty neighbors looking in my back window! I've met a few neighbors and one even brought us freshly baked blueberry muffins! She is married to the Head of Security on base. I feel oh so safe now! They also have two kids, one of whom is 10 months old. I'm sure he'll be a playmate of Mitchell's soon enough!

2008-10-10T14:47:00.000-07:00

Photo session

2008-10-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

I was trying to be artistic, but it just isn't in me. Plus my camera is pretty basic. Anyhow, here is little Mitch. He is getting to be quite the character with the sounds that he makes as well and the faces. He already makes certain noises when he wants to get my attention. Smart kid! It's pretty cute to watch Justin play with him. I have 2 pretty special boys!

Finally here!

2008-10-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

So we have finally all arrived together again here in Tucson, AZ. It has been a long summer and I am looking forward to finally moving into our base house on Monday! I just picked up the keys this morning and will post pictures later. It is small, but it will do. Justin will have less than a mile commute to either the clinic or the squadron, maybe even less than 1/2 mile. We have been staying in the TLF's(temporary living facility) for about 4 weeks now with a brief stay in a different hotel off base due to lack of availablity on base. And now, finally we have wireless internet back up and running once again. That was a huge frustration for me as I was trying to find a house to rent off of the base. I am not a Calvinist but I guess that was God's way of saying that I just needed to accept the housing arrangements that he had for us. I guess that I just am really struggling with the idea of being a military wife and mom. I realized last week when we went to a party for the helicopter squadron, that I don't really fit into any one specific place like most of the wives. Justin works with 3 different squadrons and so I will have to try extra hard to meet people from all three groups. Not what I really expected. Oh well, just one more new trial to work through in this adventure.
The next time that I blog, I will warn you, will most likely be a major whining fest. The movers come on Monday and I have been warned that most of my things will be broken!

Sleeping through the night!

2008-09-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

At least one of us is sleeping through the night! I finally decided that he could let off some energy and cry for a bit when he wakes up at 3am. After 5-10 minutes of this, I will give him his pacifier and he will calm down and then continue sleeping for a couple more hours. Every night is different of course, but at least I am getting better at this mothering thing!
We are doing the same thing with his naps. He has been crying after only 45 min of sleep during his day time naps. I read somewhere that this could last a couple weeks. Well, it's been at least a couple of weeks, so I am doing the same thing. I stand there, helping him with this pacifier and wait until he stops crying. It seems to work every once in a while if I catch him at the right time. I tried to let him cry this morning while I was finishing getting my weekly shower in, and it only got worse. I gave in after 15 min. of crying and fed him. It's kinda nice to feel as though I am getting a handle on this sleeping thing, though after we travel this weekend down to Arizona, I have a feeling that we are going to have to start all over again. Every time that we travel, his schedule gets all messed up because he hates his car seat and will cry and cry until I take him out. Justin would have a fit if he knew how much I pull him out of his seat, but we'll deal with that when we are all in the same state!

2008-09-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I've definitely had my ups and downs in all areas of my life. Right now, I am super excited to see my husband after being away from him for almost 7 weeks. I now am realizing that when he gets deployed, it would be 5 more weeks until I would see him. I am grateful that I am pretty good at living in the present because otherwise I would really have a hard time knowing what it feels like to be away from Justin for so long. Justin just called me and said that he was back from his survival training. He said that he had broken his leg and would be out for 1 1/2 months. When I asked him where and how he did it, he said that during the POW training they were only allowed to break his fingers and that the interrogator got really upset and broke his leg. It was then that I knew he was kidding! He then let me know that they were let go early because of the incoming hurricanes. Leave it up to Justin to tell a story like that!

2008-08-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

I just want to tell everyone just how much I miss my husband. I feel extremely blessed to have family that I can stay with while my husband is away, but I would much rather be at a home with Justin and our son, enjoying these first few months together. Enough said, I am grateful that Justin is not deployed, yet, and that we are able to talk on the phone and email daily. There are so many wives whose husbands are away and can not communicate at all. I am really trying to embrace that fact and know that we will be settled in Tucson soon enough.

2008-08-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

So I won't bore you with all pictures of my son but this one was just too telling of him. Anyhow, today I had a realization that not everyone is as open about the harsh reality of being a mother. It is a complete life change and I think that most people think that it just happens and you embrace it. No, not the case. I have been staying with my bro and his wife for over a week now and it has been great. I have a little niece who is 6 days younger than Mitchell. It has been a true blessing to be able to spend time with little Elliana and her mother, Sonja. There is nothing like sharing the joys and struggles at the same time, knowing just what the other is going through.

2008-08-15T16:41:00.000-07:00

2008-08-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

Here is my precious baby boy. My husband has referred to him as "the wudge" since day one. Why? I believe it's because he looks like a little woodland creature, but I'm really not sure. Mitchell Jack Bremer is thus far living up to his name. We'll get more into that later! He is quite the character already at 7 weeks old being born on June 25 weighing 7lbs. 12oz. and 20.5 in.

Reality is setting in!

2008-08-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

I recently became a mother. And not when my son was born, but when I really decided to let go of life pre-baby. Yes, I have been through a lot in the last two months. Moving across the country a couple days after Mitchell was born, and my husband being gone for almost 5 of the first 7 weeks are just what was happening around me. While internally, I was a wreck but not sure why. I had known for a long time that we were moving and that Mitchell was going to be born at the most inconvenient time possible, but I had accepted the reality of the upcoming chaos. What I had not been able to do was let go. Let go of everything.
It all started with the move. The movers came the day after we brought Mitchell home from the hospital. I wasn't able to supervise and it was killing me. I was sleep deprived, staying with my neighbors and having to trust my mother and husband to do everything for me. That was just the beginning. My mother and I then drove from Michigan to Colorado with my six day old son. That was the easy part. Once we arrived is when it really hit me. Old friends, and family were stopping by which was great. I thought. I was constantly having to go to my room to either nurse or change diapers or anything else that Mitchell needed. I just thought that I was having a hard time because I was still sleep deprived, staying with family and my husband was in Arizona for a week. No, not until a friend of mine asked to pray for me because Mitchell was having his evening crying spells, did God give her the words of "holding on". At the time it really didn't mix with me though the thought stuck with me. Later that day, the flood gates opened. I was still holding on to my pre-baby life.
That is why I say that I recently became a mother. Just within the last week or so have I really started to enjoy this new found life. Yes, I have been a mother since the beginning of Mitchell's life, but did I accept it. No one really preps you for these specific changes. You just think that the baby will just sort of fit right into the mix of your life and that you will adjust also. So yes, it has been a daily process, and we are doing much better. I have come to realize what the specific things are that I am holding on to and am working on each one with the hopes that God will honor my desires to be fully devoted to being a mother to my son, Mitchell.