Reality is setting in!

I recently became a mother. And not when my son was born, but when I really decided to let go of life pre-baby. Yes, I have been through a lot in the last two months. Moving across the country a couple days after Mitchell was born, and my husband being gone for almost 5 of the first 7 weeks are just what was happening around me. While internally, I was a wreck but not sure why. I had known for a long time that we were moving and that Mitchell was going to be born at the most inconvenient time possible, but I had accepted the reality of the upcoming chaos. What I had not been able to do was let go. Let go of everything.
It all started with the move. The movers came the day after we brought Mitchell home from the hospital. I wasn't able to supervise and it was killing me. I was sleep deprived, staying with my neighbors and having to trust my mother and husband to do everything for me. That was just the beginning. My mother and I then drove from Michigan to Colorado with my six day old son. That was the easy part. Once we arrived is when it really hit me. Old friends, and family were stopping by which was great. I thought. I was constantly having to go to my room to either nurse or change diapers or anything else that Mitchell needed. I just thought that I was having a hard time because I was still sleep deprived, staying with family and my husband was in Arizona for a week. No, not until a friend of mine asked to pray for me because Mitchell was having his evening crying spells, did God give her the words of "holding on". At the time it really didn't mix with me though the thought stuck with me. Later that day, the flood gates opened. I was still holding on to my pre-baby life.
That is why I say that I recently became a mother. Just within the last week or so have I really started to enjoy this new found life. Yes, I have been a mother since the beginning of Mitchell's life, but did I accept it. No one really preps you for these specific changes. You just think that the baby will just sort of fit right into the mix of your life and that you will adjust also. So yes, it has been a daily process, and we are doing much better. I have come to realize what the specific things are that I am holding on to and am working on each one with the hopes that God will honor my desires to be fully devoted to being a mother to my son, Mitchell.